http://www.groucho-marx.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
http://www.marx-brothers.org/biography/groucho.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
Go, and never darken my towels again.
Humor is reason gone mad.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.